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The colonel sends for the sergeant-major and says, "Mr Macintosh, C Company are on parade this morning.

The colonel sends for the sergeant-major and says, "Mr Macintosh, C Company are on parade this morning.
The colonel sends for the sergeant-major and says, "Mr Macintosh, C Company are on parade this morning. n "and regrettably, Private Higgins's family have been involved in a car accident and his fa...

The colonel sends for the sergeant-major and says, "Mr Macintosh, C Company are on parade this morning.

“and regrettably, Private Higgins’s family have been involved in a car accident and his father has unfortunately died.”

“No problem, sir,” says the S-M, and when C Company is on parade, he calls out “Atten-shun! Higgins! Your father’s dead!” at which poor Higgins breaks down in tears on parade and has to be escorted away.

Next morning, the colonel once again sends for the sergeant-major and says “Mr Macintosh, once again C Company are on parade and I regret to say that we have been notified that as a result of her injuries sustained in the accident, Higgins’s mother has now died. And, sergeant-major, when you pass on this news, see to it that you do so more tactfully than yesterday.”

“No problem, sir,” says the S-M, and when C Company is on parade, he calls out “Atten-Shun! Higgins! Prepare to receive bad news of a familial nature. Higgins… wait for it!… your mother’s dead!” and, once again, poor Higgins is led away in tears.

It is three days before C Company is on parade again, and when they are, the colonel once again sends for the sergeant-major, and his face is grave: “Sergeant-major, we have just received the news that in spite of all possible medical attention and a brave fight for life, Private Higgins’s poor sister has tragically died. This was Higgins’s last close family member and I cannot stress strongly enough the need to pass on this news as gently as possible.”

“Don’t you worry, sir,” says the S-M, and when C Company is on parade, he calls out “Atten-shun! All members of C Company who have living sisters, three paces… wait for it!… three paces forward, March! Higgins, where the ‘ell are you going you ‘orrible little man?”

A doctor goes to the same bar every day and orders an Almond Daiquiri

A doctor goes to the same bar every day and orders an Almond Daiquiri

An Irish Painter

An Irish Painter